Applied skills: communications breakdown

Not a good time for feedback.
[Fighting horses via wikimedia]

One of the ironic things about what I do is that I am paid to evaluate communication skills -- but in a way that is generally unsupported outside the confines of an SP encounter.

I have been trained to observe things like eye contact, body posture, tone. I notice empathy and rapport skills. I am keenly aware of power dynamics and language that contributes to subtle coercion. I am attuned to actions that indicate engagement and responsiveness.

So when I experience difficult situations outside the exam room, situations in which a lack of communication skills is contributing to a negative situation, I don't know what to do.

I now have language to describe why I am uncomfortable to myself. Honestly, this is a hugely useful tool. Awareness of what makes me uncomfortable and why can sometimes be enough to ride out a difficult encounter.

However, most of those situations don't allow me to communicate my distress without negative consequences. During typical SP feedback, there is a willing suspension of defensiveness which makes constructive comments possible. Of course that is a fragile balance and can easily be upset with the wrong approach. But where else in life do you get the chance to comment on how to improve a difficult encounter?

I wish there were more opportunities for that, because observing the behavior without being able to comment on or resolve it makes me feel helpless sometimes.