An SP flees after an unsatisfactory experience with a student-doctor.
[Sita Bhumi Pravesh via wikimedia]

This Atlantic article is written from the perspective of marriage, but it helps crystalize a particular (dis)connection dynamic I experience with some students:

"Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls "bids." For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, "Look at that beautiful bird outside!" He's not just commenting on the bird here: he's requesting a response from his wife -- a sign of interest or support -- hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird. 

The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either "turning toward" or "turning away" from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that. 

People who turned toward their partners in the study responded by engaging the bidder, showing interest and support in the bid. Those who didn’t—those who turned away—would not respond or respond minimally and continue doing whatever they were doing, like watching TV or reading the paper. Sometimes they would respond with overt hostility, saying something like, "Stop interrupting me, I’m reading.""

Students rarely respond with hostility, of course. But when they don't engage when I make a "bid," that makes me feel as if the student-doctor doesn't care about me as a patient. For instance, if I talk about my pain and the the student moves onto the next question without acknowledging it, s/he has rejected my bid. If I talk about my kids, my job, or a funny thing that happened to me but the student doesn't engage with it, s/he has rejected my bid.

Ignoring my request for connection (or responding insincerely) is very likely to affect the student's empathy and/or rapport scores.

Communicating sincerity

A student-doctor demonstrating sincerity during an encounter.
[Sterne and Grisette via wikimedia]

I feel strongly that feedback is most effective when it rests on a foundation of observable behavior and offers a concrete way for the student to attempt to fix it.

This can be especially difficult for vague skills like empathy, rapport and respect. Because even if a student doctor knows to say the right thing -- "I'm sorry to hear that" to express empathy, for example -- sometimes it doesn't sound sincere.

So what does that mean? Without concrete observations and recommendations, it's not very helpful to say to a student, "When you said 'I'm sorry to hear that,' it didn't seem sincere" and leave it at that. But it's taken me a long time to really feel like I can describe what sincerity looks like in a helpful way.

So for me, sincerity is when verbal and nonverbal cues match. There are several cues I look for when gaging sincerity:

Eye contact: Does the student maintain or engage eye contact when speaking? If the student is looking away while speaking, or abruptly looks down right after or even while speaking, I will feel as if the student doctor is not sincere. However, if the student looks up and engages eye contact with me while speaking, I am more likely to feel they are sincere. 

Tone: When speaking, did the student's tone change? If the student offers an empathetic statement with the same tone as they use to ask about past medical history, I will feel as if the student doctor is not sincere. 

Expression: Did the student's expression change? Did they raise/lower their eyebrows, blink, tilt their head? Are they smiling or frowning? If the student's expression doesn't change when delivering bad news, expressing empathy, or attempting rapport, I will feel the student doctor is not sincere. For instance, if the student-doctor smiles widely while saying "That's terrible!" I will not feel s/he is sincere.

Rate: Does the student doctor pause for a moment after expressing empathy, or barrel right onto the next question without a breath? Does s/he rattle off "I'm-sorry-to-hear-that" all as one word? If so, that will feel less sincere.

Non-verbal vocal expression: Does the student add a non-verbal vocal expression like "ohhhh", a tongue ticking against teeth, or a sharp inhalation when offering empathy? Do they say "mmm-hmmmm" when attempting rapport or engaging in active listening skills? Those are signals that indicate sincerity.

Posture & Movements: Does the student's posture & movements match what they are trying to communicate? For instance, if we are having a personal discussion, is s/he all the way across the room? Checking their watch? Did they shake their head or nod appropriately? If the student is trying to communicate something serious but is slouching on the stool or leaning against the wall, I will feel the student doctor is not sincere. 

Energy: Is the student matching the patient's level of concern? Are they using a similar rate, volume, emphasis as I am? If the student seems much more upset than I am at a parent's passing, for instance, I will feel the student doctor is not sincere.

Setting the standard:
If the checklist asks me to grade a student on skills like empathy, rapport or respect, I prefer to give them full credit only when they seem sincere.