Rejection

An SP flees after an unsatisfactory experience with a student-doctor.
[Sita Bhumi Pravesh via wikimedia]

This Atlantic article is written from the perspective of marriage, but it helps crystalize a particular (dis)connection dynamic I experience with some students:

"Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls "bids." For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, "Look at that beautiful bird outside!" He's not just commenting on the bird here: he's requesting a response from his wife -- a sign of interest or support -- hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird. 

The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either "turning toward" or "turning away" from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that. 

People who turned toward their partners in the study responded by engaging the bidder, showing interest and support in the bid. Those who didn’t—those who turned away—would not respond or respond minimally and continue doing whatever they were doing, like watching TV or reading the paper. Sometimes they would respond with overt hostility, saying something like, "Stop interrupting me, I’m reading.""

Students rarely respond with hostility, of course. But when they don't engage when I make a "bid," that makes me feel as if the student-doctor doesn't care about me as a patient. For instance, if I talk about my pain and the the student moves onto the next question without acknowledging it, s/he has rejected my bid. If I talk about my kids, my job, or a funny thing that happened to me but the student doesn't engage with it, s/he has rejected my bid.

Ignoring my request for connection (or responding insincerely) is very likely to affect the student's empathy and/or rapport scores.