Sit down

An SP resists a command.
[Tor's Fight with the Giants via wikimedia]

During feedback, the learner was quite upset I didn't follow his instructions during the scenario. When faced with a highly charged situation, de-escalation techniques are essential before asking for compliance, or I will feel all of this all at once:

I want my phone. I want to find the papers. I want my mom to tell me everything is going to be OK. I want my boyfriend to die because if he doesn't he is going to kill me. I want to get rid of this blood and the smell. I want someone to tell me what is going on. I want to help. I want to die. I want someone to call me by my name. I want to know what is going to happen next. I want to scream. I want to disappear. I want to fight. I want someone to understand. 

I need to move. I don't want another person yelling at me. I don't want another man pushing me around, telling me to sit down. I can't hear with the blood roaring in my ears. I can't answer these questions. I feel sick. I don't want Ryan to die. I wish I hadn't come home. I wish I had never gotten involved with him. I don't know how I got here, why I took it for so long, how I had the strength in me to finally hit him back. I can't even imagine the life I should have been living if I had never met him but I want it so bad right now I can taste it behind my teeth.  

Am I a bad person because I hit him, or because I let him hit me? Either way, I'm going to be punished.